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"Hey kid, you'll never live this down." [entries|friends|calendar]
Nico Unrocks

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[10 Oct 2011|06:26pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I miss Tara.

Graham is leaving soon and I am not prepared to say goodbye.

AJ has cut me out of his life.

I don't like these things or these thoughts.

Going to Vegas in less than a month with Tasha. At least I have something to look forward too. I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I am watching the season 2 finale of Vampire Diaries for the millionth time.

Touch me.

[12 Apr 2011|05:12pm]
[ mood | content ]

Today was a good day. It was beautiful outside. I got off work three hours early which has been happening a lot lately. My pay check is going to suck.

I drove to Salem. Had a drink at 11am. Helped Tasha pack up her stuff as she is breaking up with Robin today, finally. I've been waiting for this for over a year. She can do so much better.

This week is dragging despite all my early days. I can't wait for this weekend. I finally get to see my brother for the first time since Christmas and he gets to see my new place.

Martin will be home from work soon. Time for a sleeping pill and watching some Psych.

Touch me.

[11 Apr 2011|05:38pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I miss my husband. Our work schedules just don't work out together. Makes me so sad and I am so lonely.

I hate having to go to bed when the sun is still up.

My job is going very well. I'm doing well and really enjoy it. Just like any customer service job, it's repetative and slightly annoying/frustrating some days, but it's a job I'm glad to have. I'm finally getting my raise on my next pay check which is awesome and well and my health insurance will start.

My sleeping pill is kicking in. Bed time.

Touch me.

[25 Mar 2011|11:23am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

I miss the time in my life when this journal meant more to me. I was such a different person. Life just seemed different, and it was. Although I am not much older I feel so much different now that I live on my own, have a husband, work a full time job, have survived the loss of my parents. I am still young and I don't feel like an adult, but I know I am different.

2| Touch me.

[10 Jan 2011|08:34pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I now live in Beaverton. Weird.

I miss unemployment.

Next week I start my new work schedule. Sunday-Thursday 4:30am - 1pm. So not stoked about that.

Friday is three years since my mom died. I hate it. A lot.

I'm watching some online news videos about the shootings in Tucson on Saturdy. It absolutely breaks my heart, but I am so thankful that none of my family members were shopping at Safeway that day considering I have lots of family there.

Touch me.

[08 Jan 2011|01:10am]
[ mood | anxious ]

It is officially moving day. Later this morning I will be living in Beaverton. I have to wake up in like 5 hours and I've been up for 20 already. I'm a little bit terrified. I just signed a new year lease, in a new city. Sadly, I'm really not liking the job I'm moving there for so we'll just see what happens.


While packing I've had to sort through all my memory boxes. It's crazy all the stuff I've not only saved from Jared and Chris, but the progress I've made in letting some of it go. I am such a hoarder, it's terrible.


Not a lot else exciting. Just stressed with life. Three year anniversary of my mom dying is next week so I'm feeling overly emotional and miserable which sucks. I miss her (and my dad) lots. I keep thinking these dates will get easier, but they don't. They hurt more than anything. I'd give anything to not feel this way.

Touch me.

[02 Jan 2011|12:34am]
[ mood | bored ]

I haven't updated in forever, but today I got my very first laptop so that may be changing.

Quick update: My unemplyment finally came through, I got a job at Netflix, I am moving to Beaverton next Saturday.

Now you get a survey!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
10:30 I think.

2. How do you like your steak?
I don't.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Toy Story 3, I think.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I think I would actually stay right here in Keizer.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
I didn't eat.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Junk.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Most anything.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Red Robin.

10. Favorite dressing?
Ranch.

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Oldsmobile Alero.

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Jeans and a hoodie.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Canada.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Empty.

15. Favorite pair of socks?
I don't have favorites.

16. Favorite time of day?
Night.

17. Where were you born?
Greenbrae, CA.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Dance.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back respond?


20. Person you expect to tag you back respond first?


21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?


22. Bird watcher?
Not at all.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Really either.

24. Pets?
We have a cat named Vicious.

25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?
I already did.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Teacher or DJ.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Many memories of my mom.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Cats only.

29. Are you married?
Yeah.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Always!

31. Been in a car accident?
Yeah.

32. Any pet peeves?
I have a lot.

33. Favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni and olives.

34. Favorite Flower?
I don't have one.

35. Favorite ice cream?
Mint chocolate chip.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Netflix.

39. At which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Probably Target.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Nope.

41. Like your job?
I'm not sure yet... I start on Monday.

42. Broccoli?
Ew.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Honeymoon cruise to Mexico, even if I was confined to the boat.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Martin, Sean and Romeo.

45. What are you listening to right now?
Watching Psych with the boy.

46. What is your favorite color?
Red.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
4.

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
12:33 am.

50. Coffee Drinker?
Yes.

Touch me.

[04 Nov 2010|12:15am]
[ mood | sick ]

I've got a cold and I really hate it.

So, my unemplyment was denied and now everything is a big giant mess. I have no job and no income and I am totally fucked.

Halloween was pretty good. There a pictures on facebook if anyone cares. I'm looking forward to a good night on Saturday with my coworkers from the state. I really need some positive things in my life right now.

2| Touch me.

[27 Oct 2010|05:04pm]
When I get really upset about parts of my life that I can't control I start to freak out about my house. Its so dirty and I just can't get it clean and then I start to have a panic attack and no one understands. It's like my house is the one aspect of my life I feel like I can control, but I blame Martin for the way it is so I take all of the anger out on him and then I've made a mess of everything. I just want to cry.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Touch me.

[25 Oct 2010|05:37pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I feel like my life is absolutely falling apart in front of me and I have no idea what to do. Rent is due in one week and I have no money and after my conversation with the unemployment office today it doesn't sound like that will be coming through. All I want to do is sleep until I know whats going to happen.

Touch me.

[19 Oct 2010|07:27pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Unemployment is really boring.

It could take up to 5 weeks for me to get my first check so I'm not entirely sure how I will pay my rent if that happens, but besides that I've been approved for $322 a week which is about $100 less than I was bringing home so we'll be just fine once it starts coming in. Until then we have no food and no gas and I am incredibly bored.

I make it a point to as least get up and make my bed everyday, but I tend to not leave my pajamas. It's pretty rare for me to leave the house. I went had some dental work done yesterday, that sucked, but it got me out of bed before noon and out of the house.

Motion City Soundtrack will be here tomorrow. I could pull the money out of my savings account to go, but I know I really shouldn't. Missing Justin breaks my heart. Besides, I would have to go alone. That money could be better spent on more important things while we are struggling.

I'm honestly just updating out of boredom.

Touch me.

[08 Oct 2010|06:34pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Today I signed my official termination papers. Of course I was not informed I would have to do this and had already submitted my unemployment claim. I have a feeling this won't end well. My boss had said for me to just not come back so that way I wouldn't have to pay back my PTO or payroll advance. Of course then I get a call saying if I don't sign it will be considered job abandonment. So frustrated.

Apparently I also overdrafted my checking account. I thought I still had enough money to pay my electric bill, but no. It's literally at $0.00. I called the bank to ask for a courtesy waiver of the $10 they charge me to transfer money out of my own savings account as over draft protection and they tell me that it's a non refundable fee because it is preventing overdraft. Cereal? They are transferring my own money for me! At Wells Fargo I could waive those fees for people who used their credit cards as their overdraft protection. Of course I can't actually be angry because for the past year I've held that guys job and I know yelling at him won't do me any good and he doesn't make the rules. I'm just irritated.

Touch me.

[05 Oct 2010|02:19pm]
[ mood | bored ]

So. I'm unemployed.

They gave me three weeks to pull my sales up or I would be fired then the last week ended and they came back and said we couldn't be fired until they hired more people. They has basically already fired us and then sat there and said "Oh, but you have to keep working for us until we're ready to let you go." Eff that noise. I had a meeting with my boss and we decided that it would be best if I just got fired for attendance. She has assured me they will not decline my unemplyment due to the circumstances. I'm still terribly scared that they will, though.

I haven't worked in like 5 days. I am so bored. But I'm a lot happier as well.

On Friday I met wonderfull goddaught Adalynn Donna Nicole Seymour. I am so excited for Geoph and Christa and am truly honered that they have asked Martin and I to be her god parents. Lets just hope nothing ever happenes to them.

Deedra and Tauren found out yesterday that they also will be having a girl so I will also be an aunt to little Rylynn as well.

Martin's sister Lynda will also be having a boy next month so I will have a new nepher Bradley.

People need to stop having kids.

MEME.

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line (or two) from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING! Please do not.

Read more...Collapse )

Touch me.

[25 Sep 2010|10:25am]
[ mood | stressed ]

Dear LiveJournal, Its been a while...

I'm getting fired. It's weird coming to work everyday knowing that in blank days I'll be walked out the door. They gave me three weeks to improve. Its impossible. As of this day next week they will have the right to fire me at anytime and they will. My boss knows I'm miserable. So it's just a waiting gamd now.

I'm gonna be poor and miserable, but the stomach aches might finally stop. I'm scared out of my mind right now.

Ian text me almost a month ago. Its been fucking with my head. I want to hate him, but I can't. I wish he would just forget my phone number. I am married. I should not be obsessing over drug addict rapists.

Touch me.

[01 Sep 2010|09:18pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

Dear Livejournal world,

I'd like to give you an update on everything happening in my life, but I am just too tired and not sure anyone even reads this anymore...

Really who needs LJ when you can update your current status three million times a day on countless numbers of social networking sites? Sigh.

2| Touch me.

[25 Jul 2010|09:17pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

My brother got a MIP for drinking last night. He text me this morning and asked me to pay the ticket for him so my grandparents don't find out. After much thought and talking to my aunt and uncle I've decided to do it. The ticket is $235 and he will be paying me back over time. When it comes down to it, I just don't want to upset my grandparents. They didn't ask for this responsibility... Of course, none of us did.

I feel as if I have let my brother down. I feel like I've been a bad role model. Despite the fact I didn't drink until I was 21, whenever he's here there always seems to be a party. Maybe it's my fault for exsposing him to this.

I also have to consider he's 17 and going through more than most kids his age... and he's not a kid. When I was his age most of my friends drank and I've been drinking with Marty since he was 16.

I just wish my parents were here to deal with it. I am making him come stay with me for a week to get him away from his friends.

Any advice/encouragement?

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

Touch me.

[14 Jul 2010|07:36pm]
[ mood | high ]

So. I'm 25 now. It's strange, I remember as a kid 25 seemed so old, like an adult, and I just feel like a kid. When my mom was my age, I was 5. I can't even contemplate having a 5 year-old right now. I have so much respect for my friends with kids. Most weeks I spend anywhere from 3-5 days at my friend Ashley's with her son Dominic and just being around him can where me out... Of course Dom is Autistic so he's a little more to handle than your average 3 year-old, but very independent as well. I love him like he were my own, but I still don't want my own.

On the topic of kids, my best friend since we were 5, Deedra is pregnant as well. I am very happy for her, but as her and my other friends around me start having kids I'm beginning to feel I am the only one not growing up. Maybe it's my husband's age or just the fact that I don't want kids making me feel this way, but it's hard. I feel left out and I know by not having kids I will miss out on a huge life experience, it's just not something I've ever wanted.

So back to my birthday... I had a good party with plenty of good friends and a Little Mermaid cake. I didn't get nearly as drunk as expected and didn't have a breakdown either. You see, two days after my birthday was the one year anniversary of my dad's death. It was a rough weekend, but I kept it together well. I hate celebrating my birthday without my parents and although this was the third year without my mom, it doesn't get any easier.

In happier news, I've gone back to physical therapy for my knee. Within the past few months it went from being almost healed to hurting daily. I didn't re-injure it or do anything different, it just happened. So my doctor sent me back to PT which I started yesterday I am only going in for check ups and doing the actual work on my own as I can't really afford my copays right now. I have a check up with my ortho doctor on August 20th and if it doesn't start getting better he says I will have to have surgery. No thank you! So I want to work really hard at the PT, but it hurts so badly that I hate it. This is why they have given me more Vicodin which within three weeks is basically gone because I am building a tolerance to it and 2 just don't work well enough anymore... This also explains why my status is "high".

I could write a lot more about other stuff, but I highly doubt anyone cares and I've lost interest in typing as it is super hot in this room and I need a cigarette.

Touch me.

[08 Jul 2010|11:01pm]
I will be 25 tomorrow. Its crazy how things change and time flies.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
Touch me.

[23 Jun 2010|08:42pm]
[ mood | Drunk ]

I'm starting to worry that I drink too much... On the other hand, maybe I just hate the majority of my life.


PS: Here's a toast to you and your perfect life... The life I really should have fucking had.



fml.

Touch me.

[11 Jun 2010|10:27am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Im having a bad day. Im hungover as shit. Fuck Thursday night drinking. I just had a meeting with my boss that made me think I need out of this place fast, but I can't get a job anywhere. I feel so stressed out. I am having a god awful panic attack. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry. I wish I could quit my job and still be able to pay my bills. I wish my parents were here.

2| Touch me.

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